Director: Amin Hajee
Writer: Amin Hajee
Cinematography: Arun Prasad
Edited by: Ballu Saluja
Starring: Kunal Kapoor, Amyra Dastur
Streaming on: Amazon Prime Video

While the world tuned in to observe the long-awaited Friends reunion, I attempted in useless to un-watch an unofficial Lagaan-and-friends reunion that no one wanted. Here’s some context. Koi Jaane Na is directed by Amin Hajee, higher often known as the character Bagha from Lagaan. The movie has a less-than-special look by Lagaan hero Aamir Khan, who opens the movie with a jazzy merchandise quantity with Elli AvrRam at a nightclub referred to as “Ego”. Preceding the opening credit is a pleasant {photograph} of Hajee and Khan with their households on display screen, celebrating their bond with the Kishore Kumar phrases “Tere Jaisa Yaar Kahan”. The ‘special thanks’ part lists Lagaan co-writer Sanjay Dayma and director Ashutosh Gowariker. There are cameos by actors Aditya Lakhia (Kachra), and Raj Zutshi (Ismail) in probably the most Raj Zutshi function doable. It additionally has Chak De’s Vidya Malavade – additionally Dayma’s spouse – in addition to the director’s brother Karim Hajee taking part in pointless supporting characters. It is reduce by Lagaan editor Ballu Saluja…you get the gist. This is basically a sentimental quarter-bar session parading as a film.

And what a film it’s. Koi Jaane Na is the sort of deluded and fetishised “writer” story that belongs proper up (down) there with notorious turkeys like Shabd. Poor Kunal Kapoor stars as Kabir Kapoor, an acclaimed creator whose evil writer (and ex-wife) calls for he return his INR 50 lakh (!) advance as a result of he’s approach behind on his new manuscript. Chetan Bhagat has nothing on the chap. Kabir can also be a motivational YouTube star: his first e book was titled “Do it…You can…” or one thing of the type. Broke Kabir escapes to his cosy Panchgani bungalow to complete his draft, however finally ends up punching a bag, burning paper, screaming and breaking pencils in an angsty writers-block anthem as a substitute. On the way in which he additionally meets an annoying backpacker, Suhana, who sings and dances in his jeep as a result of travelling in Hindi cinema can not exist in any other case. They begin relationship, in a music that appears like a musical commercial for an adventure-sport firm. He is also the chief visitor at a college the place he advises children to unleash their interior beast with a purpose to grow to be profitable writers: “Don’t listen to your good side”. Oh, however there’s extra. 

It’s quickly revealed that Kabir in truth leads a double life. He’s been ghost-writing these steamy detective novels that includes a fictional vigilante-killer referred to as Zaraan Khan (“the one who breaks the law to uphold it”, it appears). Zaraan Khan is a best-selling franchise commissioned by some underworld gangsters (Khans additionally), and Kabir really method-writes: he’s a grasp of disguise, infiltrating the streets and drug cartels in order that he can “feel” the darkness earlier than writing tales about it: the equal of me placing myself on a sinking ship in the midst of the ocean with a purpose to authentically assessment Titanic. A Goan hustler named Ricky Rosario (Karim Hajee) uncovers his ghost-writing secret and threatens to reveal Kabir, solely to finish up stabbed within the eye by a hooded copy-cat killer. Who is that this killer? I don’t care, however the movie appears to. Other sideys die, a Maharashtrian cop (Ashwini Kalsekar) suspects that imaginative Kabir is the wrongdoer, a mortified Atul Kulkarni makes a red-herring cameo, and the plot turns right into a laughably poor imitation of a nasty Abbas-Mustan film.

I’m in fixed awe of the way in which veteran Bollywood writers understand book-writing. Typewriters, whiskey and lifeless our bodies jostle for house in nearly each body. It is so divorced from actuality – and even from pulp-fiction for that matter – that it’s onerous to consider Hajee co-wrote Gowariker’s finest movie, Swades. But then he’s additionally credited with the penning of the Vikram Bhatt oeuvre (1920, Dangerous Ishhq, Haunted 3D) – and it’s not so onerous to consider anymore. I’ll cease losing your time, even when the movie wasted greater than 125 minutes of mine. In quick, Koi Jaane Na is unspeakably terrible and pointless, and seems in Lagaan’s twentieth anniversary yr: an irony so twisted that it may have been a greater premise for this film.

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